A Big Splash!

By Amalia Halikias

At a recent PTSA meeting, Principal Karen Lockard shocked a roomful of parents by announcing that the B-CC administration plans to install a pool on the roof of the school building.

In her touching yet informative statement, Lockard explained that this decision is intended to display solidarity with the rising freshman class. “Year after year, those poor freshmen are tricked into going to the mythical pool on the roof. Some older students even make a profit off the hoax by selling ‘keys’. The least we can do is to make sure that the freshmen don’t climb five flights of stairs for nothing.”

Parents throughout the room nodded, remembering their own children’s dehydration after climbing to the roof and their heartbreak upon realizing that there was no pool.

Opening in fall 2011, the Olympic-sized pool will bring cheer to the hundreds of despondent students trudging back to school. Boasting two diving boards, twenty lounge chairs, and a ridiculously overpriced snack stand, there is no question that the pool will be a great success. Students are already dreaming of heading up there after final exams, cannon-balling in during lunch, and even taking quick dips between classes. It is even rumored that Mr. Virden will be there, occasionally twirling his mustache while relaxing in a lounge chair.

“It’s also going to be a great fundraising opportunity,” quips one overly-active parent. “During the school day, the pool will be reserved for students and swim team practices. But B-CC will also be selling pool memberships, and members will have access to the pool throughout the year, including during seasonal breaks!”

Despite the high costs of hiring permanent life guards and cleaning crews, Principal Lockard believes the pool is a must-have.

“Let’s be honest,” she pointed out at the PTSA meeting, “kids need to have fun. School just isn’t that fun right now. We need this.”

The athletic department—surprisingly also represented at the meeting—reacted enthusiastically. “Great!” one football assistant coach exclaims. “Now we can make the team run to the roof to train during pre-season!”

Naturally, the Swim and Diving coaches are the most excited of all. In the past, the B-CC Swim and Diving team was forced to practice at other pools in the vicinity. With the introduction of a pool right on top of the school, perhaps our ranking will improve. Maybe the student body will realize that we do, in fact, have a Swim and Diving team.

In a time of economic uncertainty, we look to our omniscient leaders to guide us through. Principal Lockard leaves the parents with some final words of wisdom. “There’s only one way to deal with the world we’re living in today: keep afloat until we get to a better future. Let’s dive in.”