So the BCC LUMBERJACK failed to win the Columbia Scholastic Press Association Gold Circle Award for Excellence in Online Digital High School Media in the Category of I don't give a crap. We're not sore losers of anything. It's not like I desperately needed some sort of gambit to enrich my college applications, no! That would be ridiculous. But, if by pure happenstance, this little article here would be a way to rail against Columbia University and their pompous Ivy League pretensions, then I wouldn't blink an eye.

It is Freshmen Orientation day at Benito Mussolini Public High School. Principal Principle, a man in his late 30s, 40s, or maybe even 50s, looked on as the horde of new freshman asked questions pertinent to their new school.

“Are you sure we should be letting Ambrosia, uh, mislead the freshmen like this?” asked Ms. Wort, one of school councilors.

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